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Earlier today, my oldest lost a privilege that means a lot to him. It was a direct consequence of his actions, and it was devastating for him. He cried until he was hoarse, then cried some more. We patiently assured him that it would be all right, that it was okay for him to be angry/sad/frustrated about it, and that we super duper love him. This was his biggest consequence so far, and he was just beside himself. At one point he had crawled under the dining table and was moaning painfully.
"I feel like I'm in a place that I don't know what it's called." He cried. "Like a scary castle." (He's six, so I was impressed that he was able to verbalize this feeling)
I heard him from the kitchen and my heart felt his pain. I went over and lay on the floor so I could see him. "I know what you mean, and that place does have a name." I said softly.
"Is it Home?" He asked.
"No."
"Is it Love?"
"No. It's called Discipline." I said. "And it doesn't feel very good. I know."
"What is Discipline?" He asked.
"It's something that helps to get you back on the right track."
"But I don't want to be on the right track!" He protested, tears running down his cheeks.
"It helps you get back on the right track even when you don't want it to." I said. "You know how you go bowling with Dad, and when it's his turn the gutters are clear? If his ball goes to the side, it lands in the gutter. When it's your turn, little gates pop up and make sure that your ball stays on the right track. Your actions went into the gutter, so we had to put up a gate to keep them on track."
He wasn't happy about it, but I could tell that it had helped to put a name to the dark, lonely feeling he was experiencing.
"It's a part of home, and it's a part of love, but it's called Discipline." I said.
Not much longer and he had crawled out from under the table so I could give him a hug, and then he went on a walk with his dad and little brother. I promised him some home made hot cocoa upon their return.
Discipline is never fun, but it doesn't have to be a dark, scary castle. It can be a walk through the neighborhood, a hug, and a warm mug of something that nourishes the heart (even if it doesn't go down so smoothly at first).
